Monday, May 7, 2012

Anything but Average

I've never been a girl who was okay to be "average".
This has worked for me and against me in my life.

On one hand, I dream big.
When I see other women my age with booming businesses, published books and widely read blogs, I reach for the same.
I have never been someone who thought I couldn't do something.
I've always reached for above and beyond.
For example, I needed to get A's in school. For my own sanity. Why? Because I knew I could, and anything less would be lazy on my part.
A few summers in highschool I went to a three week summer missionary camp where we had to memorize chapters of Scripture. The bare minimum, scraping by never did it for me.
I always went after the "highest honors".
I have always known in my heart - not just wanted, known - that someday I'd be a published author. These are things I don't really wonder about. I know I'm capable of something, and if I want it badly enough, anything is in my reach.

On the other hand, I set myself up for failure sometimes.
I feel like I should be doing more. I feel like since I'm not planning and speaking at conferences, since I haven't written that book yet, or because I don't have a hugely read blog (yet) that I am not reaching my full potential.
I feel like I am being lazy. I feel like if I'm not working towards my big huge goals all day long, I feel like I'm wasting my time.
Sometimes I have to force myself to give my brain a rest.
I'm always planning, dreaming, designing. I'm always thinking of the next project to tackle, the next dream to reach for.

I have to remind myself that I'm enough.
That I'm doing great.
That mini goals are within my reach every day, and the bigger ones will be met as well, with time and prayer and patience.

Isn't that the beauty of life - that we can appreciate the small beauties, the every day luxuries?
I don't want to dream any less but ...
I do want to enjoy it when I reach my goals, without instantly searching for the next thing to conquer.
I'll let you know how it goes.


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